The Freedom of Valuing You Part 2

As I reflect back on 2023 and the path to mental and emotional rest that God graciously set me upon, the first thing out of my mouth is “Lord Jesus that was rough!” But after the dust settles and I take a deep breath, I can't help but smile. As difficult as that season of rest felt, it was exactly what I needed. That season gave way to an awakening.  As much work as I did to help others value themselves, I did not realize how much I did not value myself. I respected me, and even felt like I was making a difference, but I do not believe that I valued Bernice for who she was versus what she did. 

As a new year began,  I caught my emotional breath, and began to work on and through my postpartum depression and anxiety, the reality that I did not truly value myself became painfully evident.  I valued my ability to produce results and to pour into and protect the ones I loved. Though this was important, it failed to create an environment that said I had inherent value just for being alive, not just for my ability to do what made other people feel good.  As good of a front that I was able to present day in and day out, the weight of pretending took its toll on my heart and mind.  My people pleasing instincts had caused me to lose sight of the dope individual that I was, and that was something that needed to change. 

Side note, being bold enough to call myself dope out loud and on this platform has me clutching my pearls and smiling at my audacity, lol. But I'm low key proud of myself for doing it. I respect that I have not arrived but man I am excited about the miles I have clocked, thus far, on this journey of growth and healing.  

It is a new experience to not just value myself but to do it out loud. Not from a proud or boastful place, but a place of freedom. Growing up one of my best friends in the world and the person who I wanted to immolate most was my older sister, Kyra. Kyra is eight years older than me, and is one of the boldest and most self confident people I know.  She can be dressed to the nines or chilling in an old hoodie and sweats and will show up as the most self assured person in the room.  Regardless of the outfit, you can't tell her she is not the cutest thing out here in these streets. I admire her so much. Not just for her confidence but for how she sees and values herself come rain, sleet, shine, or snow. She does not wait for other people to catch a hold of the vision that she is amazing. She is the first to stand flat footed and declare that she is amazing and has value. If you agree with her, great. And if not, well, that sounds like what our mother would have called a personal problem. 

Learning from Kyra and soaking in the love that I have developed towards myself, I began to embrace myself. I am now a fan of Bernice. I am free to appreciate her and allow others to appreciate her, as well. Now that felt good to say. Loving me feels good, and this is a feeling that I desire for each of my readers and the people whom they love. So say this with me, and say it with your chest. No whispering your amazingness into the atmosphere or silently saying it in your head. Say this with me, and say it so the people in the cheap seats can hear you.

I AM FREE TO APPRECIATE MYSELF AND ALLOW OTHERS TO APPRECIATE ME, TOO!  

How did that feel? How did it feel to speak well of yourself? Did it feel natural? Or did it feel foreign? Did it feel like a lie as each word came out? Or did it feel like a new truth that you get to explore and embrace? No matter how it feels, you get to speak well of yourself each and every day of your life. You get to and should value you!

But, can I tell you a secret? The first time I spoke well about myself, out loud, I said it with no conviction or power.  It felt as though I was lying to myself and anyone who may have overheard me. As mumbled affirmations, at my reflection, I thought to myself, “How dare I be bold enough to be my own hype man and have the audacity to say it out loud?” I had to do this exercise over and over again until I believed the words that were coming out of my mouth.  Over time, I realized that I was standing there being a Bernice super fan and it was a complete vibe and not a lie.  I was valuing myself and it felt awe inspiring. Now don't get me wrong, it took time, practice, and patience to speak kindly to myself, about myself, and believe it.  It did not come easy. I don't know about you, but I am my worst critic.  I expect excellence from myself, at all times. This is neither fair nor realistic. Yet, it is a hard habit to break away from doing.  I had to quiet my negative internal dialog and turn the volume up on the voice that loves and values me. I must add, it feels good to tell that judgy-tail voice to shut the heck and “gone ‘head now”! 

Thinking about the freedom that comes from valuing yourself implies that there is something that you are bound by and or stuck in. Everyday I have to make a choice to operate in freedom versus in bondage. When I consider truly being free I think of the scripture John 8:36 which says, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed”.  This scripture is referring to being set free from the bondage of sin.  I am not sure if being cruel to yourself is a sin, but I do know that it brings God no joy or glory. We often don't realize that being cruel to ourselves tears at our hearts and minds.  I am a King's kid, and He wants me to treat myself accordingly. I am thankful that I get to be set free from a thinking pattern that promotes shame and creates distance between myself and those who love me. If that is not a gift, I don't know what is.

So this week I want you to journal through the following questions. What does freedom look and feel like to you? What things in your life promote freedom and what things promote feelings of bondage? Who helps to make you feel free to be fully you? What are three affirmations you can speak over yourself? And, what negative self-talk do you need to be free from? Next week, I'll dig into how freedom has taken shape in my life and what major shifts have happened as a result.  I'll get you later family. I love you!