The Freedom of Valuing You (Part 1)

Hey Family.  It’s been a while since I have blogged. Two months, if I’m being real. Life has been “life-ing” and I almost found myself fussing at myself for not blogging.  Praise God, wisdom stepped in, chin checked me, and I sat my happy tail down. I had to not so gently remind myself to value me…all of me. Not just the producing/productive version of me, but the mom in me, who was terrified for 36 hours after my baby boy's eye surgery in July and needed time to just love on him and allow that to be balm for the both of us. The tired me who hadn't been off work since maternity leave and needed to vacation without guilt, and make sleep a priority.  The wife in me who just wanted to celebrate her 15 year wedding anniversary and behave like newlyweds for a weekend, not do any work, and be fresh with her husband out in public, lol. The business part of me, who had been working towards building and expanding ICG so that we could help more people while having to be ok with the reality that I can't do it all. Or the spiritual me who needed to dig in and pursue clarity on God's vision for my next steps, so that I could take a deep breath and trust His process versus relying on my own. All of those parts, and many more needed me to slow down, value me, and let that be enough.

With that being said, I want to pick up where we left off and examine the freedom that comes with valuing yourself. We have talked about being seen and heard, both of which are important.  Experiencing these is a beautiful reality that we all deserve. Yet, when I think about valuing me, I feel challenged.  Challenged to step up to the task and challenged to be consistent with the process.  Being able to identify and protect my value requires vulnerability and intentionality. Vulnerability, now that feels like a cuss word sliding past my teeth.  Taking stock of how I do or do not value myself is hard.  I can’t lie to myself, even though I am often tempted to try. I must get an understanding over what drives my thinking and behavior and those can be harsh truths that have lived rent free in my head for decades.  I then have to operate in intentionality.  We all know that no matter how much any of us want to change, it’s not going to magically happen.  We have to put in the effort to make a change. 

As I write this blog, the question of how valuing myself led to freedom bounces around in my mind. If I am honest, when I think about being free from something, I immediately feel the weight of the cost to gain or maintain that freedom. Freedom has never been cheap and I feel confident that it is not going on clearance anytime soon. But I have to ask the question, “Am I worth the investment?”  Years ago I would have said yes, because that was the expected answer, not because I necessarily believed it. The older I get, and the more I live, the more honest that “yes” becomes. I have come to the conclusion that not valuing me is hard on my spirit and valuing me is hard because it requires more of me. I get to choose my hard. I am worth valuing, even if I don't get it right everyday. I am worthy of trying again each and every day.

So what did my journey to valuing me look like? Well, first, I had to come to terms with the fact that this was a marathon and not a sprint.  I had years of devaluing and undervaluing me under my belt.  I could easily see other people’s worth but struggled to really know and rest in the fact that I carried worth.  So I had to be gentle with myself on the journey.  Next, I began to ask myself what caused me to easily value others, and harder to value myself? Understanding these distinctions helped me to have a starting place for seeing myself through the eyes of grace versus the eyes of judgment and unrealistic expectations.  These steps led me to actively make a list and speak over myself about what I appreciated about me.  I had to be careful not to focus on speaking to my ability to produce.  I had to key in on valuing me for just being me.  Then, I started setting and maintaining boundaries.  I could set a boundary in my head, like a boss, but enforcing them was a dog of a different breed.  I practiced kindness towards Bernice.  I made myself speak out loud to her with gentleness, encouragement, and joy.  I spoke life into her, even when tears ran down my face out of fear, anxiety, or frustration.  I became a safe place for me to land.  I could have expectations for myself, but I also had to be gentle enough to not throw myself away every time I fell short of the expected outcome.  I learned to be ok with me and embrace being a work in progress.  I’m on a journey.  I’m not where I want to be, but I praise God that I am not where I used to be.  I value me more than I did yesterday, and I am Godley excited about how much more I will value me tomorrow.

So this week I want you to journal through the following questions.  Who do I value and why?  What causes me to value them?  What makes it easy or hard for me to value them?  What makes me feel valued, and how can I celebrate those parts of me? How can I actively choose to value myself today?  What may get in the way of me valuing myself?  And, how can I push back against those obstacles?  As always family, I love you, and I’ll talk to you soon!