Learning to Live, Love, and Learn

The day that this blog posts, I am 42 years old, happily married, and the proud mother of a 13 year old son, a 9 year old son, and a 5 month old baby girl. I own my own private group practice and I am chasing my calling to be a professional speaker. On the surface things could not look prettier. I am surrounded by an amazing support system, I know that I am loved, and I feel positioned to move into this next season with courage and zeal. 

But we know better. Things rarely are that neat or polite. I find that people often present their highlight reel while quietly dealing with their reality with hopes that onlookers won't see the depths of their struggles. With this in mind, one goal that I have is to live authentically and to do it out loud. Now don't get me wrong, I have no intention of emotionally bleeding all over anyone who will give me an audience, but I am over wearing a mask to make others comfortable. I am worth the disruption of the preconceived notions of who others believe that I should be. I have divorced the false narrative of looking good to others while falling apart on the inside. I have learned that not one of my tears has ever been wasted and that authentic living can and oftentimes does, encourage others to fight on another day. Imagine that. Imagine that your courageous choice to be vulnerable has the ability to help others heal. This logic is what inspired Live, Love, and Learn. 

During 2023, I faced one of the most difficult years of my life. I was stretched personally and professionally, in my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I was forced to learn to genuinely care for myself.  In the hustle and bustle of it all, I found myself being preoccupied with being, or at the very least appearing, perfect and in a constant struggle of people-pleasing. I was exhausted. From a logical perspective, I knew that I needed to set and maintain healthy boundaries, but the problem was I lacked the energy, strategy, and, if I'm honest, the discipline to do so.  I could teach it, but man I struggled to live it. Does this sound familiar? You know what you want, you have at least a basic understanding of how to get it, yet it seems like an insurmountable task to obtain it. I have learned that having a knowledge of a thing does not mean that I have the discipline or will to effectively implement going after it.

In the midst of these struggles, my responsibilities did not cease. The pull to show up, perform, and produce did not decrease. If I'm honest, at times it felt as though I was trying to pour from an empty vessel, and I was no longer holding it all together. As dreary as this may sound, it was a blessing in disguise. No better yet, it was an opportunity to encounter God on a level that I had yet to experience. 

In the chaos of my life, God offered me the opportunity to do something crazy and unheard of, at least in our hustle driven culture. He offered me rest. Such a short word that requires such targeted effort and discipline to obtain. As I would sit in prayer and meditation, I would often envision myself sitting by the river I grew up fishing on with my dad, sister, and brother. It would be so quiet. All I could hear was the steady flow of the river. It moved at a pace of grace (something we will address at a later date and time). The water flowed as God directed it. It trusted that it would arrive at its set place at its set time.  The vision was peaceful. As I gazed at the river, I realized that it didn't question its process. The river leaned into its reality and just flowed. It flowed up over obstacles. It moved with consistency and determination. It did what it was sent to do. Standing there looking at this river operate, or rather flow in its purpose, was beautiful. And… it frustrated me to no end.

I would find myself in this ongoing internal onslaught of questions directed towards God. It sounded something like this; “So… am I supposed to just stand here? Maybe what You have for me is on the far side of the river. So do You want me to build a bridge to the other side of the river? Should I follow it up stream? Is there something important up there that I am supposed to find and cultivate? What do You want me to do?” 

The questions of how to effectively “do” racked my brain. So in the quiet of that moment, God told me to not stand there.  That was music to my ears. I was actually excited. I began to think, here comes the master plan to build more so I could be more. Instead, what I heard in my spirit was that I should sit by the river and rest. Be in His presence and heal. Internally I screamed, “WHAT? Sit down and just be. Don't build, don't fix, don't strategize”. And God repeated, “Just rest. Trust Me and just rest”. It was a tall and difficult order.

Embracing sitting by this visualized river helped me to slow down and be present in my day to day life. In my constant pursuit to grow and achieve, I struggled to be truly present. My default setting was to be working on one thing while plotting and planning two or three others. My mind constantly swirled with ideas and visions of next steps. I needed to slow down and just be. I was also forced to learn to not just appreciate myself, but I had to learn to love myself well. I had to get excited about Bernice and learn that loving her meant setting healthy boundaries not just with others, but also with her. Lastly, it was the beginning of this life long journey of learning and unlearning things daily. There is so much more to be poured into me and pruned off of me. I am a beautifully imperfect person who serves a perfect God, and He wanted me to Live, Love, and Learn and help His children learn to do the same. This would not be easy nor would it be quick, but it would be life changing. 

So here we are, at the beginning of this journey. I want to challenge you to take a moment and examine your heart and life and answer these questions for yourself. Are you living or existing? What changes do you want to make to move towards living and away from existing? How can you love yourself well this week? And lastly, what is one thing you need to learn and one thing you need to unlearn in order to love yourself more effectively? Take time to care for yourself. See you in the next blog, Family! 

Blessings and Love, 

Dr. P

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