A Life Worth Living

Choosing to engage in your life and live it versus survive it can be a daily struggle.  It is so easy to get caught up in the ups and downs of living that we forget to actually live.  Back in 2010, I was in the third year of my doc program and I was on my grind.  I was newly married, my mother had recently transitioned from this world due to cancer, I was pregnant, my program was demanding more and more of me, and overwhelmed seemed to be my forwarding address.  One of my professors who was also a cherished mentor walked past me in the hallway and asked how I was doing. I gave my customary response of, “Surviving”.  This was not the first time we had had that exchange.  It seemed as though surviving was my norm.  Instead of continuing on her way, she stopped. She looked me straight in the eye and simply said, “I will be so happy for you when you go from surviving to thriving. You deserve it”.

That simple acknowledgement of the weight that I was under did something to me.  It planted a seed of hope that life would not always be this hard, or as the seasoned Saints would say that “Trouble won't last always”. As difficult as life was in that season, I had to believe that there was still beauty to behold, laughter to lean into, and life to live. I decided at that moment that I wanted to do more than just survive. I want to live and to thrive. 

John 10:10 NKJV says; “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly”.  Let those words rest in your spirit.  God wants you to have not just life but He wants you to have life more abundantly. This verse challenged me to take a hard look at myself and ask the question, “Am I living or surviving?”  The hard truth was I was surviving, and if I was honest, I was barely doing that. 

Maybe it's just me, but when I first set out to live an abundant life, I was under the false and rather dangerous assumption that if I was succeeding in this pursuit, then life needed to look and feel a certain way. Things should be relatively smooth and going my way. Stress should be low and happiness should be high. I find myself giggling at my naivety, as I write this. One of the greatest life lessons that I have learned is that abundant living comes from resting in joy not happiness. Happiness is conditional. My current situation dictates whether I am happy or not. But joy, true joy comes from heaven and is not contingent on me because God has never expected me to be the source of the joy. He asked that I recognize and honor Him as the source of my joy. 

Do you know how this changed the game? I was no longer required to look ok or have all of my ducks in a row. Instead, I could be a mess, which I was, and still rest in God's presence and rejoice in the joy that was present in my life. School was hard, but I was chasing my destiny. My mother, who was my best friend, had transitioned, but I felt and still feel her presence daily. And in the midst of it, despite being told that due to medical issues that I would not be able to get pregnant, I was puking my way through my first trimester. I felt like crap and it was the best feeling ever.

Living was not about life being perfect, it was about a perspective shift. I could choose, do I focus on my lack or do I celebrate the fullness that was in my life? Now don't get me wrong, my heart was broken over the loss of my mother and I wept. At times, I wept until I thought that I was going to lose my mind, and I still shed tears now because I miss her so much. Yet in my grief, God was in it with me. He never asked or even wanted me to walk through that pain alone. He knew that it would break me. And I am thankful that despite my grief, I get to celebrate the legacy that my mom left in her wake. She changed the world with her presence and I was/am a product of that reality. That is a seed of joy that I proudly hang on to and try to honor in how I show up in the world.

Your life is worth living. I know that it gets hard and giving up can feel like the only logical option, not necessarily the easiest but the most logical. I want to remind you that you are a gift that the world needs. Be it your presence, your heart, or your unique touch, please know that the world is a better place with you in it. Living can be hard, but my Lord is it worth doing. This week I want you to consider these questions and write out your responses.  No matter what your answers, this is a starting point towards tuning into yourself and living a fulfilling life. First question, when was the last time you felt as though you were living vs. surviving and what were you doing and who were you doing it with?  Next, where is one place in your life that you want to challenge yourself to live more abundantly, and what would abundant living look like? And finally, what fills your cup and how can you increase the frequency of your cup being refilled? Keep leaning into life.  You’re worth it!